As long as you are here, you might as well laugh.

candycorn

I found this list randomly and chopped it in half.  It seems to have been all over the internet, like a metaphoric slut who finally got around to me.  I met her here: http://iwim.wordpress.com/humor-medicine/

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

9. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

10. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

11. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

12. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

13. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

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3 Comments

Filed under The Interwebs Rock!

3 responses to “As long as you are here, you might as well laugh.

  1. If you want to see some really bad poetry, go here.

    Be warned that its topic is not at all safe for prudes (some of whom may be your co-workers), and it includes some extremely offensive words. Read with caution. Also, you might pee yourself from laughing, especially if you try to read it out loud in a declamatory voice.

  2. i read these 9 years ago, hehehe. they’re classics ^_^

  3. Way cool, I told you it was random.

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